Skirmish USA, best place to shoot paint on the east coast, amazingly friendly staff, great fields, veriety and quantity of playing scenerios unmatched by anyone else. Location Jim Thrope in PA, about 160 Miles from NYC. Check in time 9:15am. Avreage departure from the staging area to the game fields time - 10:30am. Meaning I was up at 5:30 to pick up 2 more people and be there on time to check in and complete registration. And my group of 4 made it in with time to spare. In my head I was playing "We are the Champions" by Queen.
Unknowingly my friend (a good person) who was running little behind invited the idiots to play with us, they were the people who bailed out on us at the last moment last year when we came to skirmish and it was raining, we play in but are not limited to: rain, snow, hail, sun, mud, day, night, and any other conditions which mother nature would throw at us. LESSON #1, if they bailed out last time, that shows lack of comitment, and lack of team play, don't ever associate yourself with people like that, we firgured we will give them one more chance. .. .. Bad idea!!!
My group of 4 was ready to go, my friend who invited the idiots also got his people in the gear and ready, the idiots arrived after 10am, gracefully paraded onto the staging area sat at one of the tables and began conversations, jokes, laughs. I bet if we didn't walk up to them and said hi they would just sit there untill the owners would tell them that its closing time and they have to go home now.
LESSON
#2
Stragglers get left behind! If someone is late and they don't show any
intent of actually speeding up hte process, leave them, the above mentioned
friendly staff of Skirmish will escort them to you playing field when
or if they ever get their shit together.
We told and explained to them to get the gear, cammo, ammo belts ect...
they looked confused, did the deer in the headlights look for a bit, and
began arguing about who pays for what and what is going on and gradually
went back to the joking and talking. Slowly one by one people got into
their busses and left for the fields, untill all busses were out. But
we remained waiting for the idiots to figure out who is buying what and
for how much, one of the girls leading the idiot group even whipped out
a snappy looking texas instruments scientific calculator to calculate
the case of paint - to - person ratio, some them even wanted to calculate
the dollar per ball price to buy just the right amount and not overy pay!!!!
It was a phatetic sight, they were phatetic, and I bet that they still
are and will be, and when they die, their graves will also be a phatetic
sight. The rest was ready, we just needed to buy the damn ammo in bulk
cause its cheaper and we had it all calculated, people pitched gave money
ect... LESSON #3 When concidering
pulling stunt like that, collect the money ahead of time, if you discover
that people under paid, either buy one case less, or dish our your own
money and hunt them down after the game, if they over paid then buy, and
give excess money after the game. Back to the story.
When they found out that when buying paint you need to pay sales tax of 7% the simple calculating turned into Advanced Calculus 501 class, scratch pads full of equtations started floating around, raised voices, and then outrage and discust of some who under payed an needed to add $2 more to get the paint, some actuallyfigured that instead of paying the aditional $2 or $3 they will get less paint about 500 balls and this way they actually get some money back. I was laughing, was annoyed but this was amusing, if not forthe fact that they all were asians I could swear I was in the middle of bazzar in Israel, I half expected them to studdenly do the mission imposible rubber mask trick and I'd see 25 orthodox jew salesman like they have in B&H Camera Store!!! Arguing about 2 dollars set us back another 30 min, despite my screams and threats and threats to my friend to back me up on the screaming.
Finally the phatetic
idiot group came up with the money but not without double and triple checking
the prices, taxes and god knows what else. I didn't know what to do, puke,
goto sleep or just screw on my tank and start the game there by hunting
down and shooting the idiots in the head one by one untill they drop dead
or get the idea that being conciderate to others and covering for your
own mistakes will prevent them from looking at the world through paintball
eyes. I chose less drastic option - more yelling at them at the top of
my lungs but after a while I started to sound rather raspy. I have anger
management issues, and this was not helping.
Finally! my screaming paid off, they went into the shop, with the money
and vauge idea that in order to play you need ammo. Good job lads!! Cheers!
God I really wanted a drink then, maybe a bottle of Jack Danniels or just
.5L of some cheap polish vodka chilled to perfection so it poures like
syrup.
Still it took them good 20 min to once more count the money, re-adjust the amount of boxes they are getting ect ect... oh did I mention that first I bought like 6 cases of paint back in December when it was %50 off and second when I came to the field I just picked up 1 more box at regular undiscounted price? paintball costs money, you want to play be ready to pay! LESSON #4 Buy paint at events when its sold cheaply no matter how much you buy, events like D-Day, World Record Game, winter specials, paint can be safely stored in dry aread for up to a year!
Meanwhile the judges assigned to us, first attempted to help us, but after geting no respones and reaction from the idiot members of our group when trying to tape us, they kinda backed off. Later they still tried to get us into higher gear but met with the same idiot mentality, its like a tar pit, you throw something into it, and it gets stuck, and won't go, in or out, and then slowly sinks in just to be lost forever, thats how the minds of those people operated, just a black hole, things go in, but nothing really comes out, IQ of 13 same as the year when they stoped developing, and amazingly none of the girls were actually blondes.
Paint was
purchased!!! took them just under and hour to do it, it was almost
noon time, I was screaming and threatning with shooting them all and then
discarding the bodies, when one of the girls looked at me smile and said
" So who's faul is it? " and I was like "you's you idiots!!
" to which she replied "and yours not?". I really wanted
to strangle the bitch, but people like that are dense like rocks, nothing
penetrates their mind set. Best coment came from my friend who came with
me, he said "How do those people exist, goto school, works anything.
If they have sex they same way they are preparing for the game here by
all laws of nature they should be long extinct.". "Too bad that
they are not!". I thought.
The judges seeing all this pretty much gave up on any sort of initiative,
and I don't blame them, they even cracked some jokes about the idiots,
they were a joke to them, it was noon time and we were till at the staging
area waiting for a bus to come because all have gone out already.
Finally we go on the bus, went there, the judge was all deflated by that time, he gave the orientation speech but it was flat, like a can of coke left open in the fridge overnight. I mean whatever you said to those people just got stuck and traveled down directly to the large intestine where it would come out at the next visit to the bathroom so why bother. And the rest of us knew the drill and knew the speech and followed the rules of Skrmish religiously.
In short kiddies, final lesson is: if you see that thing go wrong, ditch the fuckers let them paly alone when and if they ever make it to the fields. On related topic, I am writing another story "Cheaters of the Field" because our problems did not end with getting to the fields and playing.
Final moral of the story is that I'm the idiot for not bailing out at the beginning of all this when I saw that things were taking turn for the worse. There are always walk-on teams on the field.